Our marriages are constantly under attack. Once we say “I do”, the devil sets his sights on trying to tear the relationship apart.
The reason for this is that so much good comes from marriage. It’s the foundation of our society and the first institution established by God. What happens in our marriages usually filters down to the rest of our lives and it greatly influences our children.
The devil doesn’t want our marriages to succeed or give any sort of glory to God. So he fires shots at our relationships to disrupt it any way he can.
If you allow satan any sort of an opening, he will march right through it, guns blazing.
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
In this verse, it shows that anger towards our husband or wife is a huge opening for the devil to exploit.
When we go to bed angry at our spouse, we allow satan an opening into our marriage.
The word “devil” means “slanderer”. So satan will take that opportunity to suggest to us how bad, mean, or evil our spouse is. He accuses them of all sorts of things that make that anger even worse. Then upon waking up the next morning, the anger has grown.
The devil has just gained a foothold in that marriage. All he has to do is keep gaining ground a little at a time. Eventually, he will accomplish what he set out to do…destroy that marriage.
That is, only if we let him.
That’s not what God has in store for our marriages. And if we are aware of the devil’s tactics and counter them with God’s word, then we can have the successful marriages we desire. God certainly wants that for us.
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I have just found your website. I have been married for 27 yrs. We lost out son 9 yrs ago to an accident. My husband has shut down over the years. He has always had anger issues but we were able to work threw them. Other things have occcured in ou lives he never seems able to let anything go. It has all now come to a head. He moved out of our home 6 weeks ago and is living at his fathers. We have been counseling but it has been a slow thnig. HE finally got to a session by himself and the pastor was able to get out of him he has been angry at me since after our son died. He just has shut down with many things but now all his anger is directed at me and our marriage. I guess Im asking what to do where to turn . We need help!!! Thanks Joline
Joline,
I apologize for the delayed response. I was under the weather this past weekend and now trying to catch up.
I am very sorry to hear about your son’s passing and how it has affected your marriage.
I have to say that what ya’ll are going through is beyond my level of experience. I don’t want to give you some cliche answer, pretending to know what it’s like going through that or what the answer may be.
You are doing the right thing in going to counseling, which is where I would have to recommend you. I’m not sure how long it has been, but hopefully it has been forward progress since going to counseling. If it’s not, you can always check into other Christian counselors through Focus on the Family at:
http://listen.family.org/miscdaily/A000000115.cfm
Just remember, what happened is not your fault, your husband’s fault, or God’s fault. According to John 10:10 “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).” (AMP)
Resolve to not let the devil take anything else from you and keep seeking God in prayer and in His word. Remember Luke 1:37 “For nothing is impossible with God” and that He can save your marriage.
I hope that helps some and I’m glad you asked, that means you are seeking how to get through this.
Hello, I am a US Soldier currently deployed in Iraq. I have been gone now for 12 months. I had been finding it difficult to sleep at night and then I told my wife about it and it sounded like she was just distant. I asked he what was wrong and she finally told me that she did not want to do this anymore. She was saying that she has fallen out of love with me. I think it is because I am gone and have been away for a long time. I do not wish to end my marriage. I love her more than anyone could imagine. I want to make things work and she said that she would give it a try. So, now I am sending her emails on bible verses and I am praying that she is willing to just give it her all. I never wished for her to be alone but, I have to work and I have to fulfill my commitments. I do this for my family and if I could be home right now I would. She recently lost her mother and also since I have been gone her and my family have gotten into numerous arguments. Now she feels that she hurt me by not saying she doesn’t love me. Am I just in denial and say forget it?
Hi David,
First off, I want to let you know that we appreciate what you guys do as soldiers for our country. It’s a huge sacrifice that you make in protecting our freedoms. Thank you.
But that does put unusual strains on a marriage and family. It’s hard enough work when couples are together, and that difficulty increases with the distance. The good thing is that there is an end in sight (that at some point in time you will come home) to hold on and have hope in.
It sounds like your wife has a number of things going on in her life that are causing some distress. Sometimes, without the spouse at your side, it’s hard to handle everything coming at you. That’s actually understandable. But unfortunately, maybe she’s let these feelings and emotions start controlling her, instead of her controlling them.
Now to answer your question. DON’T GIVE UP! Don’t just say forget it. That’s the easy way out. Be a soldier for God and fight for what the devil is trying to take away from you. You’re already doing the right thing by seeking what God would have you do. Don’t even contemplate giving up. You must take the mindset that “Divorce is not an option”.
Love is not an emotion, it’s a choice. And people don’t just fall out of love, they choose not to put in the work to love, which is putting the other person ahead of oneself.
Sorry, I don’t seem to have a set of cohesive thoughts on this, but I really wanted to encourage you to not give up.
Here’s a few things that you may be able to do:
Empathize with your wife on how she may be feeling. Let her know you understand. It’s good to hear that she said she would give it a try. That’s a positive sign right there.
Pray, ask God for what you want in your marriage, thank Him for the results (even when you don’t see them), and hand the whole situation over to Him. Then ask God every day “You’re doing your part God, what do you want me to do?”
Here’s some great scriptures for you: Matthew 6:33, Philippians 4:13, 1 Peter 5:7, 1 Corinthians 15:57, Mark 11:24, and Mark 9:23.
I hope that helps and have a blessed day.
PLEASE HELP! my husband and I are going through a divorce that I do not want I am so in love with my husband. we both has had infidelity in our marriage but we have forgiven and moved on. Please I want my marriage the devil is busy. I need my husband in my life
Hi Sherral,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I’ll be praying that you and your husband let God help you find a way to stay together.
If you don’t want the divorce, then you don’t necessarily have to agree to go through with it. Let your husband know that you don’t want the divorce and that you’re willing to give it over to God and do what it takes to make the marriage work. Let him know that love is a choice and you chose to stick with him.
See if he will agree to go to a Christian marriage counselor with you to try to work it out. Even if he doesn’t agree, go yourself. As I mentioned in another comment you can check into Christian counselors through Focus on the Family at:
http://listen.family.org/miscdaily/A000000115.cfm
And make sure you hand the situation and your husband over to God’s hands (1 Peter 5:7). Pray for wisdom in what to say and how to say it to your husband.
I hope that helps a bit. Have a blessed day.
Me and my husband have separated and I want to save our marriage. He told me we have separated before so he do not know if he want to try again. He said he love me and he just need time to sort things out. But we have 2 children and I know God want our family to work. We have been married for 13 years. what should I do. I am hurt to the point i can’t sleep at night. I have prayed to god for answers but i don’t know what to do. please help.
Hi Veronica,
Sorry for the delayed response, I’ve been very behind on things.
I’m very sorry to hear about your situation and will be praying for you, your husband, and your children.
Like I mentioned in some of my previous comments, let your husband know that you are committed to your marriage and are willing to work at it to make it better. But, you can’t make him make that same commitment, though you can let him know that you’d like the same from him. Without people willing to go through a battle together, with a commitment to see it through, the likelihood of victory is a lot lower.
Also, I know this is a stressful situation, but if you’re unable to sleep, then you are holding on to the situation instead of truly handing it over to God. Remember 1 Peter 5:7, to cast your anxiety on Him. As you truly hand it over to God and ask Him to give you steps you can take in the natural, He will do His part and give you peace as well.
I hope this helps some and I’ll be praying for ya’ll. Have a blessed week.
On April 17th, my wife of 17 years left me and took our 5 children with her, they are 13, 11, 9, 6, and 4 1/2. At first I thought they were in a traffic accident, or carjacked and I panicked. When I didn’t hear from them, nor did the police or EMS, I emptied our savings account on advice from the police. I found out later that day that my wife left me and has applied for a restraining order. She wants sole custody, no visitation by me, financial support while she finishes nursing school, and child support. She said I threatened her, and committed violent acts against the children that she supposedly found about just that day.
1. I have never put my hands on my wife in anger, nor threatened to.
2. I have spanked my children, just as my wife has. Neither of us has done the things that she is accusing.
3. When I realized she wanted to be apart, I left and went to my parents house in another state.
4. I went back, emailed her and left a phone message letting her know when I would be back. She told me when I ran into her on accident that she thought I was going to try and take the kids from her forever.
5. I found out about the restraining order application a week later.
6. I WANT MY MARRIAGE TO WORK.
7. I am lost, hurt, and devastated because I can’t speak to our kids at all.
What should I do other than pray? I don’t plan on calling, emailing, texting, or writing her at all. I know she wants a separation, but I am afraid she will just give up. I plan on getting a job, and putting as much money as I can for her and the kids into our joint account that I will only deposit money into, never take money out of. Any advice.
Hi Tom,
First, I apologize for my delayed response. I recently started a new job and was also out of town for a week because of it.
I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. I can imagine the hurt feelings you’re going through.
Being that I don’t know the whole story, and that I’ve not gone through a situation similar to yours, I’m not sure if I can offer a lot of advice.
What I can say is definitely pray. God wants great things for you, your wife, and your kids. Pray for wisdom to know what to do, for the Bible says that if you ask for it, God will give it.
The next thing would be to seek Godly advice. Go to your pastor, or a Christian counselor (you can find the link for finding them in the previous comments). This is a situation beyond what I can give advice to and God has people out there who are better able to help. But you have to be proactive and seek them out.
Lastly, keep believing God for the restoration of your marriage. “With God all things are possible”.
I hope that helps some and I will definitely be praying for you.
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my husband and i are almost through our divorce and all of a sudden he timidly talks about wanting to try again but is afraid to do so because of what his parents will think and do. (he rents a house from them) and says he wants to give it another chance but im so scared because we are going through the divorce simply because its almost done but we are going to try to start again according to him but i dont understand why we cant just move in together somwhere and work things out. i belive that we are soulmates and we have been separated for 6 months and it never gets any easier to let him go and now its even ahrder because hes talking abouit trying again but says he doesnt know how he can ebcause of the housing situation. im just not sure its worth putting my feelings out there because hes so wishy washy right now. i just dont know what to do and im getting frantic because out divorce will be done in less than a month and im shattered. i say we stop it right now and stay married but he says no. im going to talk to a pastor friend of his that thinks we should work things out and start BRAND NEW but idk im so scared it wont work…i pray about it constanly but idk what else to do to show him that ill do anything to make it work. i honestly believe that we are soul mates………im so depressed.
Hello Hannah,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with the pastor friend that you both should work it out. You both can’t let fear keep you from working on your marriage, which is the most important relationship you have besides with God. Like 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” I would hope his parents would be encouraging in his attempt to restore the marriage.
Also, don’t be concerned with “soul mates”. That’s a myth. True love is a choice and decision to put the other person ahead of yourself. If you can decide to do that, then being “soul mates” doesn’t matter.
You can put a stop to the divorce. Maybe it’s time to begin acting on what you’re praying about.
Lastly, remember Mark 9:23 “Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes” and Matthew 19:26 that “with God all things are possible.”
My wife recently got in touch with a guy she grew up with and was a part of her househould. She was raised by a family friend from a young age in the US who had kids of her own after leaving Liberia during the 1990’s civil war. This guy was one of the lady’s son she grew up with. They recently started communicating by phone. He knows that she is married and is text messaging saying “Baby I missed you” and on Valentines day “Happy Valentines day baby, I miss you”, and “Baby, did you forget about me” and my wife responded “If you don’t forget about me I won’t forget about you” and to that he responded “Baby that makes me want you more”
I know they grew up together but that doesn’t excuse what is going on. I am more upset that my wife doesn’t put a stop to it after speaking to her about it once already.
And yes my wife and her friend supposedly love Jesus. I know it’s wrong and am seriously thinking about divorce because I will not continue to put with a liar. I have started fasting and pray god will hear my cry. I have never given her a reason not to trust me in any way and am just trying to be the man God. We have been married almost two years but have been together since December 2003.
Hi Alexander,
I apologize for the delayed response.
I agree, that is definitely inappropriate communication between the 2 of them.
My best input would be to hand it over to God, and see what He would have you do in this situation. He may not automatically change her, but the Holy Spirit may let you know what you should be doing in the marriage. At this point, divorce is not the answer.
You could call this guy and let him that it’s your wife that he’s flirting with. I would also recommend the movie “Fireproof” for either you or both of you to watch.
I hope that helps some and I’ll be praying for you both.
My wife left 2 years ago.She just said she doesnt love me anymore we have been together14 years.I have 3 kids that she as hlep me with.I ask her everyday to come home i call her we talk about alot of things but she will not come home she says its over. I want my wife back .How long do i keep asking her to come home and wait for her .Sometimes i think the good Lord tells me to wait and sometimes i feel he say to move on please help
Hi Robert,
I’m sorry to hear about your wife leaving.
As you may have seen in some of my earlier comments, “with God, all things are possible”. I don’t think there is specific timeframe that you can put on waiting, but it may not be helping to ask her every day to come home for 2 years. She will have to be the one to come to that decision and only God can help change her heart. Continue (or start) to ask God to bring your wife home. Then live your life as God directs and without her in it right now. God may be telling you to live your life without your wife, but continue to have hope that she’ll come back.
I hope that helps a little and will be praying for you.
So how do you live with out your wife .Sometimes it just seems so hard . i miss her very much. She very mean on the phone most of the time but I remember the good not the bad that as came or way now that she becoming someone else..I just dont get how someone can walk out of a good marriage . She is hanging out with much younger people,Going out drinking . please help
Hi Robert,
You’re right, it’s definitely difficult living your life without your wife. But she does not complete you…Christ does. Seek that life in Christ and not in how to get her back. You’re the only person that you can change, so you’re going to have to do something different than you have been. As one of my favorite quotes says “the definition of insanity if doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results”. You calling your wife to get her back is the “same thing”. Maybe it’s time to stop that. And it may be time to quit trying to understand her and how she can walk out of your marriage and try to understand what great things God still has in store for you.
I hope that helps.
anything else you can say about marriage ? Whats does the bible say about a wife walking out of a marriage.GOD IS FRIST IN MY LIFE .but my life is so lost without my wife.How do you move on without the one you made a promise to in front of God.please help me sorry for type o Iam very upset
Hi Robert,
I know this is a difficult time for you. There is only so much that I can help with, though I’d love to help more. My suggestion would be to find a good Christian counselor to speak to that can help you work through this. You can find Christian counselors through Focus on the Family at:
http://listen.family.org/miscdaily/A000000115.cfm
God has great things in store for you and in putting Him first, He can help you through this. And God has put some wonderful, Godly counselors on this earth to help people just like you. I encourage you 1) to get in touch with a Christian counselor, and 2) that you can get through this, just don’t give up.
I hope that helps and have a blessed day!
hi,
PLEASE! I need a help, I love my Husband and we have been living together for 2years now. the only problem i have with Him is that he beat me alot and as my husband he suppose to take care of me financially, he doesn’t care please what do you think i should do. because i am getting tired of his character
Hi Mery,
Sorry to hear about your situation. First, I would say that if he’s beating you, that’s a dangerous situation and you should put some distance between the two of you. I’m not saying get a divorce, just get yourself out of harm’s way. You can separate yourself from him and his opportunities to beat you. Then, you need to seek out a Christian counselor who can help address this situation. This is not something I have experience in, but I do know that you don’t have to keep letting your husband beat you.
I hope that helps some and I’ll be praying for you!
Hello,
Me & my husband have been married for almost a year & now our marriage is slipping he is giving up on our marriage but i been praying & something is telling me not2 give up on us that god will pull us through what am i to do? I really want our marriage to work.
Hi Awilda,
I apologize for the very delayed response.
That’s a difficult situation, when one of the spouses has given up on the marriage. But don’t you give up. God can turn it around, but He needs you in there, praying about it, committing it to Him, and taking the action that He tells you. Find some scriptures to stand on and confess those everyday over your marriage. And like I’ve mentioned to many others, find a Christian counselor that you both can go to. If your husband won’t go, go by yourself.
Remember, with God, all things are possible. That includes the turning around of your marriage.
I hope that helps and I’ll be praying for ya’ll!
My husband wants a divorce and decided to leave me on Christmas Eve. He apparently felt guilty about it and called me all evening and the next day. About 3 years ago, he said he began to question our relationship because I seemed angry and self defeated all the time. He belived that I was intent on being an unphappy person and that he wanted more for himself that coming home to an angry wife.
It was about 3 years ago that I began having enourmous self doubt that arose first about my job and then about a memory of sexual abuse that I have repressed for over 25 years. I never told my family or my husband because of the shame I felt until recently (within the last 3 months). But my husband still left. I am in counseling now to understand my feelings of anger, depression, and anxiety. I use to be a happy and heathly person when my husband and I meet and fell in love. Over the years, I have been stressed significantly by my career and the guilt I feel for not being there and giving in when my mother or sisters need help financially. I realize now that I was taking my frustration out on my husband and he evently had an emotional affair with a women who was just like I was when we meet, fell in love, and got married.
We have been together for 10 years and married for 5. I love my husband immensely and want our marriage to work. I have been woorking on myself but he does not appear to really care to speak with me. He did call me recently to tell me that he may be deployed and wanted to now how I felt about that. I am worried and I wish he did not have to go especially considering the state of our relationship. I cannot sleep sometimes and I am not sure if I should just give up. I don’t want to but I feel hopeless and helpless.I have been praying and asking God for strength, but it feels as though it is pointless.
I sometimes get “mixed” messages, because I am not sure if my husband really means what he says. He has not pursued any legal action. What do I do? Give up?
Hi Rachel,
The first thing I will say is – Don’t give up!
Like I mentioned previously, remember the scriptures Mark 9:23 “Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes” and Matthew 19:26 that “with God all things are possible.”
It’s good that you’re in counseling about your past (preferably with a Christian counselor). But your future does not have to be based on your past.
Keep praying for your husband’s change of heart and don’t quit. Seek out scriptures for what you need (like peace, rest, strength) and say them out loud every day. Be proactive before the negative feelings come and use them also when you start feeling down.
I hope that helps some and I’ll be praying for you both.
Im in need of help! Im a soldier deployed to Afgahnistan. My wife left me about two months ago and moved in with another man. I begged and pleaded and cryed on the phone with her for several nights all night. I want my marriage with her to continue on. She says her biggest problem with me was the fact that i was always gone with work or the military and she felt that she was somewhere on a back burner. Threw everything i have made alot of self changes and have continued to work things with her. At first she was against it, then she was undecided, then against it again. Now that my time here is coming to a close, she has decided that she wasnt as finished with the marriage as she thought. This joys me more than anything cause i want to be with her. But at the same time im scared that she is just saying this to help ease some of the pain while im traveling home. She is not planning on being at the welcome home ceremony. I will see her days afterwards at my parents house when she brings our 4 kids to me. How do i face her and handle the seperation factor? What can be done to show her that our marriage is worth salvaging and that all is forgiven. Please help
Hello Stacy,
I apologize for the delayed response, I only check this site occasionally. I’m very sorry to hear about your situation.
I’m not sure how much I can help, but to quote some scriptures I mentioned before – Mark 9:23 “Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes” and Matthew 19:26 that “with God all things are possible.”
I don’t know if you’re a Christian, but God can give you confidence and strength to face her when you see her. Also, you can’t beg and make her change her mind. You can only tell her how you feel, that you forgive her, work on yourself, and be an example.
Also, here is a link to a site that is specific for couples in the military:
http://quest.marriagetoday.com/
I hope that helps some and that I helped point you in the right direction.
I’ll be praying for ya’ll. Additionally, I do want to thank you for your service to this country. Let it be known that there are a lot of people like me who truly appreciate your service.