“5 Simple Ways to Invest into Your Marriage for Maximum Returns” eCourse
Part 5 of 5
Welcome to Part 5 of your eCourse.
I hope over these last couple of weeks you have been tremendously blessed and that your marriage is getting better every day.
5 Simple Ways to Invest into Your Marriage for Maximum Returns
By David Peairs
Author, “7 Keys to Unlocking Success in Your Marriage”
Part 5: How to bring back those lovin’ feelings…even if you thought they were lost forever. “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NASB)
Whew, now that’s some direct words from the Bible to start off our last lesson in this eCourse. Without love, NOTHING else matters.
I’m not going to go into detail about what love is and what it isn’t, aside from making the point that love actually is not a feeling, it’s a choice. Feelings change and fluctuate as often and as quickly as the weather. (I do go into more detail about love in my book “7 Keys to Unlocking Success in Your Marriage“.)
Instead I’m going to go down the path of some practical things that you can do to bring love back into your marriage. These things show love to your spouse…whether you feel it or not.
BUT, in the process of doing these things, the feeling of love may just be re-ignited in both you and your spouse.
So here are a few easy things you can do to invest into your marriage, thereby bringing in the returns of love.
1) To start, go through your wedding videos or pictures together.
This is a good way to stir up those old feelings you and your spouse had when you first got married. You married this person for a reason, so be purposeful to recall those feelings of love and affection that you had at the time.
Tell your spouse the thoughts you remember having when you first saw them on your wedding day. Talk about the funny things that happened at your reception, and tell each other your favorite parts of that day. Remember the excitement you felt as you drove away from the church as husband and wife.
Now a quick word of warning…resist the urge to get angry about how it’s not like it used to be. I’ve fallen into that trap and it leads to nowhere.
2) This one may seem a little off the wall, but you must realize…your spouse is NOT the enemy.
When you and your spouse have these small battles that consistently build up over time, you can start to view them as the enemy. Once that happens, you feel as though your marriage is a war, not the terrific relationship that God had planned for the two of you.
Like I mentioned in “7 Keys“, satan is the enemy and he’s using your spouse to get under your skin, just as he’s probably using YOU to get at your spouse. He wants you at war with one another, because if you’re too busy with that, you’ll forget about God, the possibility of a good marriage, your kids, and the things that REALLY matter in life. You’ll miserably take whatever life throws at you, not realizing that it doesn’t have to be this way.
So remember who the enemy really is and recognize that your spouse is your partner, your teammate, your ally,…your best friend.
3) Make a list of all the things you love about your spouse.
If you’re at a point in your marriage where you’re really struggling, this may not be an easy task at first. If you’re having a difficult time with this then start with something small, even if it’s something like your wife has pretty fingernails or your husband doesn’t belch at the dinner table. That’s a start.
Pray about it. Ask God to help you make that list.
Once your list is complete, if you’re really serious about having a successful marriage, there are a couple of things you can now do with the items on your list.
You could write some of those things on sticky notes and leave one for your spouse every day or two.
Or, you could also put that information into a letter to your spouse. Yep, that’s right, a love letter. I did this and emailed it to my wife (I wanted her to feel she could read it without my staring at her) and she absolutely loved it. In fact, she still has that letter.
4) This one is a two-parter.
First, quit talking negatively about your spouse. That means to them or to anyone else.
Don’t put them down and point out their flaws. They make mistakes, just like you and I, but don’t continuously bring those mistakes up. Your spouse probably already knows and feels bad about them. By constantly bringing those things up, you just make your spouse feel worse and drive them a little further away each time.
Don’t tell your friends or everyone at work about your marital problems and how your husband did this or your wife did that.
As you continue talking negatively about your spouse, all you are doing is filling your mind with bad thoughts about them. Eventually you’re going to get to the point that you don’t think there are any redeeming qualities about them whatsoever. And it’s all because you talked yourself into seeing them in that way.
The second action to take is to start saying positive things to your spouse about them.
Husbands, tell your wife how pretty she looks. Wives, tell your husband how good he looks.
I know, I know…these things are so simple. But have you told them?
Tell them something that you appreciate about them.
And to go one step further, tell another person something that you appreciate about your spouse. You can do this both when your spouse is around and when they aren’t. But the true test of your character is what you say about them when they aren’t around.
So as a final assignment, every day for the next 30 days, implement one of the four steps we just discussed.
Just one? Yep, that’s a great starting point. That’s simple, right?
As you do this, your mindset will begin to change about your spouse and you’ll begin to see them in a different/better way. An added benefit is that your spouse will also begin to see themselves differently, in a more positive light.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Luke 6:38 (NIV)
This verse was specifically talking about love. So as you give love, love will be given back to you. The way you receive, is by giving. Now that’s a whole lesson in itself. But make sure you aren’t doing this merely to get in return. That’s manipulation.
I wrap this lesson up with this passage on love. When I really, really looked at this verse a while back, it hit me square between the eyes, because I realized that at the time I wasn’t walking in love. Ouch.
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (AMP)
After you finish reading this email, pray that God will fill you with His love and that you will take action in being loving towards your spouse.
As I’ve stated in the other lessons, please remember, God loves you and your spouse and He wants you to have a GREAT marriage.
Well that’s it for the 5 part eCourse. But don’t be sad, I’ll continue to keep in touch, letting you know what’s going on and providing additional valuable information for achieving success in your marriage. Plus I’ll be praying for you and your marriage.On to victory!David Peairs
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